Many days, lucid dreams are the only thing making my day somewhat tolerable. During such dreams, I can actually still experience happiness, if there is such a thing. At least I feel content, and any problems that arise I am actually able to overcome, because I am generally skilled or powerful in some way, bestowing upon me a sense of pride in my abilities, a welcome change from the daily self-hatred of real life. But, while they provide an amazing experience, they cause the day to start with by far the best part, so it can only get worse after I wake up fully.
In lucid dreams there are infinite possibilities. Often there is some action element, and fighting, but I can also fall in love and experience the girl as if she were real, even though she doesn't have a face. (At least none that I can later remember.) When I wake up I can remember all the feelings I have felt with such intensity that leaves no doubt that they were all real, even though I know every bit of it happened inside my head.
Whatever the dream is like, it is undoubtedly fantastic. It is to such a degree that being aware I am, for example, a highly skilled warrior of some kind alternately hiding from an overwhelming force and vanquishing my enemies, efficiently decimating the enemy force a few at a time and emerging victorious in the end, yet knowing that this is not real, makes me want to renounce life on earth and stay in the dream world forever, my actual body withering away in bed until it is nothing but a lifeless corpse.
Sometimes the lucid dreams feel more real to me than the stupid, monotonous days, and more real than the drained person I am in real life, lacking any will or energy to make an effort to try and change anything for the better. The dreams are more immersive and enjoyable than any video game I've ever played (and free to boot), and differ mainly through the feeling that I actually am the character in the dream, and not merely play him. It is like Avatar come true, though for each dream I return to a different world, a different setting, but all wonderful in their own way. With each dream, my alternate reality seems more real, and my actual life seems drearier and more useless. Although I do not have lucid dreams every night, when I do it makes waking up even more disgusting to me than it already is without them, essentially transforming me from mighty hero to weak loser stuck in a hellish life in a second, shattering my world. Everything I do when awake seems bleaker in comparison, and so the only thing I long for each day, besides death, is a return to that exhilarating world where my every imagining comes true.
The immersive, absorbing nature of the dreams make them both a blessing and a curse. They are the highlight of my days, sending shivers of delight down my spine, but make the days of sitting around seem more and more futile. And knowing I will never in real life be the mighty hero of my dreams, no matter how hard I'd work at it, if I could even summon the energy, makes me even more listless than I already am. I have no motivation and no hope for anything, and the only dreams I have can come true solely when asleep.
I can hardly wait for the next one, and finally feeling strong and capable again.
Such dreams indeed sound exciting! How about you write your dreams down so you can experience them once more? It won't be the first time a bestseller started out with a dream. ;)
ReplyDeleteI've tried this a few times, but 1) they fade quickly (I do often remember highlights even months later as if they are real memories) and 2) the dreams don't make any sense when written down. See Inception :P. If only I could capture them on video...
ReplyDeleteI might someday, however, attempt a story about a guy whose dream world becomes reality or something like that, but, to work, it would have to be fairly long, and currently I have a hard time even writing shorts, so I've shelved the idea for now.
I understand it's hard to right them down when they fade quickly and make no sense. But you can use parts of it to incorparate into a bigger story indeed. You should definetly keep the idea in mind for when you will be able to write for a longer period of time. It really look forward to reading it someday.
ReplyDeleteBeing able to write for an extended period of time, for me, means at least being out of work. Hardly any energy left after stupid work crap. Shame, since I consider writing one of the few 'good' things left.
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