Trust

There are few more elusive concepts than trust, I feel. I have spent many hours of thought on this concept, especially when I was younger (but it just continues to be so very important, if not vital!). I remember a younger Hak hardly being able to comprehend the tremendous importance of something so utterly intangible yet the thing that defines friendships and (romantic) relationships. It is so difficult to earn, and often so hard to give. It is a crucial factor within any relationship, one that generally elevates close family above friends in terms of 'durability', meaning that friendships will often end within a few years, or even after a few decades, but end they will, almost without a doubt (what percentage of friendships do you think lasts for over 10 years? 10%? 5% Even less? Feel free to comment ;)), whereas the bond of trust between parents or siblings is often so great that opposing parties will reconcile their differences time and again, knowing the other(s) will have their back no matter what. Of course it is in part the blood relation that accounts for this close bond, but if this is the foundation, then trust is built right on top of it.

I think there inescapably comes a time for many people that they feel abandoned by many people who are close to them, be it by friends or colleagues or both, or even by some family members, but then you will generally find that your parents and siblings continue to be the people you can count on, no matter how many times you have professed to choose friends over family (and I am no exception).
On a side note: I think this is one of the big sadnesses of orphans or only children. Orphans will hardly ever have people they can really fall back on, no matter what has happened, no matter what mistakes they have made.

So difficult to earn, and often so hard to give. Extending your trust to someone too easily seems equal to naivete and is often disastrous, as this trust will often be betrayed. At least, my trust has been betrayed (about matters big and small) so many times that I have come to believe it is an inescapable fact of human nature (but don't ever tell me you can't help breaking people's trust "because this is simply human nature"!!). And I have broken people's trust as well, as I am human, but I definitely try my best to do so as little as possible, as there are few things I find more hateful than abusing the trust of people who care about you. Or even abusing the trust of strangers. (Of course, small matters such as agreeing to meet someone but not showing up is also breaking someone's trust. Just to illustrate how easy it is to do so...)

Despite having misplaced trust so many times, I have always (as far as I can remember) tried to give people the benefit of the doubt when meeting them, giving them a reasonable portion of trust to start with. I guess I do this to try and see the good in people, to stay positive, and not become so guarded a person that it becomes very difficult to start friendships and romantic relationships. Because what happens when two people meet who are both so guarded with their trust that they do not dare extend it to the other? Indeed, they would never be able to become friends (unless they change), as friendship is built almost entirely on trust, supported by things you have in common.

So I try to give people the benefit of the doubt when I meet them, and although they will have to earn the greater part of the trust between us, I give some of it freely. (Naturally I don't do this when I 'meet' people who look very untrustworthy to me! This would just make me an utter moron ;).) It is like laying a shallow foundation upon which something beautiful can be built, but one that wouldn't have cost much if even this tiny bit of trust is betrayed (say, accepting a couple of beers from me but intending to never see me again). I feel this is a tiny, intangible investment you need to make to try and build friendships, something that mostly just occurs on a subconscious level (but I wanted to write about it ;)).
I know people who find it difficult to make friends. Maybe the above is something worth considering for those who struggle with this.

That said, I think the best part of any kind of relationship (friendly or romantic) is even the initial phase in which you build up mutual trust, that first period during which you 'lay the foundation', so to speak (so don't be afraid to extend some trust to people you find interesting!). Depending on how much you meet or speak to each other, this may take a month, or a few of them, but this month is often one of the best you will have with that person, in my opinion. I also like it because this person is new to you and since people are curious by nature, it is great to 'figure out' a person, to discover what makes them tick, and to enjoy the things you find out you have in common. But mainly it feels good to earn someone's trust. It makes you feel good about yourself, like you are someone worth trusting, a good person.

The only thing you have to do next is make sure you are indeed worthy of this trust, and not betray it like so many people do way too often...