New Diary

I've started writing a diary again. There is so much rage and frustration and sadness in me I need to get OUT that it is impossible to write it all down in a way that anyone would actually be interested in reading it. I feel nearly constant physical and psychological pain, and although some people can appreciate certain written expressions of psychological pain and some interesting observations, no one, really, is interested in hearing people complain about physical pain. Everyone in the world experiences physical pain, so it's nothing new to anyone, even if the pain in question is one they have never experienced themselves. "Yeah yeah, your hip hurts. My arm hurts, what's the fucking difference?" They just don't want to hear you complain about it constantly.

And that's just what they are: complaints. Endless complaints. My mind is screaming all day long "Oww, my knee, my back, my hips, my neck, my elbows, my wrists, aaargh!" And I feel a need to express my pain, but no one wants to hear or read about it. So what do you do? The only thing I can think of is to write it down privately. The constant suffering needs an outlet, and if there are ears to hear, or eyes to read, and people sympathise and understand (or can at least imagine) what you are going through, perhaps this helps a bit. Perhaps we need this empathy, to make it seem the suffering is shared and mitigated, even though you still feel the same undiminished pain. We all fool ourselves to a certain degree. Else life is unbearable.