My worst enemy is ever close by
Watching me from odd angles
Always thwarting my best efforts
Sapping my already depleted will
Cowardly, from the shadows
When I try to be alert
He makes me sleepy
When I try to be strong
He makes me weak
When I try to smile
He makes me clench my teeth
When I try to enjoy life
He makes me want to die
My worst enemy is ever close by
But I rarely see him
Until he is suddenly revealed
Appearing only to laugh in my face
Shamelessly and mercilessly
When I try to persevere
He tells me to quit
When I try to forgive
He tells me to hate
When I try to be trusting
He tells me to flee
When I try to ignore
He tells me to attack
My worst enemy is ever close by
Waiting for the right time to strike
And he is good, I must admit
Never failing to surprise me
At the worst possible time
Ruining my every effort and enjoyment
When I am having fun
He takes it away
When I try to fall asleep
He keeps me awake
When I try to enjoy company
He makes me feel alone
When I try to love
He makes me afraid
I rarely see him, but I hate his face
Always mocking; cruel in its familiarity
I would give all I own for his destruction
But to kill the enemy in the mirror
I would have to give up much more than that
When I stand up straight
He pushes me to my knees
When I try hard to succeed
He makes me fail miserably
When I see happy faces
He wants to make them sad
When I try to keep my calm
He unleashes the beast in me
I fight him but he always wins
He has ultimate power over me
I am here and I am alive
But I am nothing but his slave
And a life in captivity
Where joys become sorrows
Is not a life at all
I know what you mean, this ''other person'' inside of you that sometimes takes over and makes you do or feel things that you regret later, that makes your view of the world distorted and negative. But this part of you will get weaker and weaker over time, while you will get stronger and stronger. Until there comes a time that you realise you haven't felt him in a while. Until there comes a time that ever present alter ego is gone. Trust me, it can be done. You have already come so far and conquered so much. The hardest part is already over.
ReplyDeleteThat 'alter ego' is only getting stronger, the way I feel it.
ReplyDelete