Criticism

People can't stand criticism. From friends, classmates and colleagues (peers), that is. When you're in school, you're supposed to receive criticism from your teachers, so they are 'allowed' to give it to you. Your bosses pay you to work for them so they are allowed too, although you may not like it from time to time. But your peers, who are 'no better than you', have 'no right' to criticise you, even if all they want to do is help. (In my experience, the only 'peers' who may accept criticism from you are close family members.)

"People only tolerate criticism from people who have authority 

over them or people they pay to provide it."

People have become angry with me for providing criticism, which I have given to try and help them, and not in a way to make them feel stupid or anything. Their subsequent anger or even halt of communication with me has taught me that no matter my intentions, people just don't want to be criticised. So now I rarely criticise people, as it appears they simply can't handle it. What strikes me as odd, however, is that clients pay me to criticise them when they ask me to correct their work. When I'm done they even thank me for it. But then I am not their peer, so then it is okay. How weird is this? As if criticising peers would mean that that they are total losers and I am superior to them. No! It just means that I am better at one particular thing, or even know one particular thing that they don't - and can provide free assistance - while they will be better at other things, and can help me whenever they so desire. Consequently, any criticism to a friend or colleague must be very cautiously given, or not at all. Apparently, people generally only appreciate this assistance when they pay for it. How odd that money apparently overcomes the shame of not being as good at something as one would like...

Friendship, and your worth to others

My ex girlfriend's parents were like a second set of parents to me. In seven years we went through a lot together, and I felt I belonged to their 'inner circle', meaning I was entrusted with family matters and problems hardly anyone knew about. Thus I really felt part of the family. When me and my ex broke up, this wasn't because I had done anything horrible or whatever - it just didn't work out between us anymore. Her parents didn't hate me or anything, and didn't have any reason to. But in the blink of an eye, I no longer was a part of their family, and they never contacted me again. I felt (and still feel, after 15 months) like they only used to be in contact with me because I just happened to be the guy their daughter brought home, not because they also liked me as a person and valued me as someone they could trust. This tells me that - if such an intimate and long relationship can be ended so quickly - your value to others is completely relative to circumstances, and is fleeting. People will discard you as a friend as soon as they feel like it, and it will be like you never had their trust. Therefore I regard all but the longest and steadiest friendships to be fleeting, and I just enjoy them while they last, without expecting too much of those people, knowing people like I do. My being discarded by my 'second parents' only confirmed what I already knew: people are a bunch of individualistic, selfish creatures whose relationships with others are almost without exception institutes of convenience.

I have thought a lot about relationships and friendships over the past year. As I am not the first to do this, and there are numerous quotes to be found from people wiser than me, I would like to comment on the concept of friendship with the help of some of these wise men:


All but the truest of friends will betray you or simply discontinue their relationship with you at some time or other. It is best to anticipate the end of current friendships by making new acquaintances as much as you can, so that new friendships can emerge from them to replace the old:

"If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life,
he will soon find himself left alone."

- Samuel Johnson

Do not trust your 'friends' too much in the first years of your friendship, as your trust will often be betrayed. When you are as certain as can be about the true bond of friendship with another, however, be there for them always, and nourish the relationship like you would nourish your child:

"Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in,
continue firm and constant."

- Socrates

Betrayal will occur. The only question is: will you be stabbed in the back or in the front? The person of value and integrity will not be a coward and confess to you why it is he betrayed you:

"A true friend stabs you in the front."

- Oscar Wilde

True and genuine friendship is one of the most precious things you will ever find in life, and is to be cherished like none other:

"Friendship without self interest is one of the
rare and beautiful things in life."

- James Francis Byrnes

Even though you know you will most likely be betrayed eventually, you need even the friendships you know won't last:

"Without trust, betrayal cannot be. But without trust,
I will have no one but me."

- Hak

Having children

At 25, not one long hair on my head is seriously considering having children. These turd-hurling, mightily wailing creatures of myth seem devious opponents requiring a certain experience level to be able to handle. And humble me has have not nearly reached that level. So many more experiences await me before I will be ready for this ordeal, and there seem to be a thousand things that need doing first. Apart from the countless items on my wish list for life, I will need stability: a place of my own, financial security and a degree in translation long overdue. But life takes unexpected turns that destroy your well-laid plans (not that having your whole life planned is something to envy) and due to the huge population of our dear planet, you then have to wait years to get a new apartment - some of the best years of your life spent trekking from one temporary place to another! (I'd better invest in a pair of oxen to pull my cartloads of stuff. Plus they provide milk and make for fine steaks after I'm done with them.) And financial security is kind of handy not just for paying your bills but also for doing all those things that need crossing off the wish list. There is such a monstrous number of things I still want to do in life, many of which require a copious bank account, that it would be impossible or not nearly as much fun to do them while having children.

But hell, I'm still only 25, right? Sure, I spent some of my good years the 'wrong' way (in retrospect), but at least that has made me who I am now, and caused me to have quite well-defined goals in life. There is still time to complete them. But let's get back to these little helpless creatures that poop a lot called children. There seems to be an ever increasing number of people my age, including (old) friends and classmates and such that have them or want them. [spoilers ahead] They appear to desire often getting up in the middle of the night to shuffle around drowsily with a small wailing (and often stinking) creature until it finally stops crying and they can grab a few more hours of sleep before a rough day at work. These creatures stink because they cannot clean up after themselves. In fact, they cannot do much of anything expect cry, sleep and soil themselves. So the people that produced this creature will have to clean up this dirty brown and yellow mess every day, and all this will be their conscious choice. As enigmatic as this behaviour may seem, it is supposed to be rewarding in the end, as - after having taken care of them for years - these creatures will love you for a while and after a period of hating you they will often love you again. You can even do stuff with them later on, like play chess and go mini golfing, as this initial helpless stage only lasts for a few years. (You can even push them on a swing for hours a week, after which they will reward you by crying!) And in this period there is not much you can cross off your wish list: you cannot go on a cool holiday, for example, because you will have to drag this helpless being along with you. Try that while climbing a mountain. (By the way: changing a diaper on a ledge a few thousand feet up in the air would be, like, really really weird, but also like the coolest thing ever.) And you can forget impulsively moving abroad for a couple of years. You will also have to make arrangements with your partner and probably baby sitters and your mom to make sure someone is always watching the child, as it will attempt to kill itself in the most varied and creative ways (drinking toilet cleaner, eating lego, throwing itself in front of cars, etc.) when it is not being watched. (I would too if all I could do was poop in my diaper, cry and crawl around a bit. Well, at least I would be able to piss in my dad's face while he is cleaning up my shit - the proper thank you for performing such a service, right?) [spoiler end]

Although it is perhaps surprising to some people with a desire to have children, having them does not appeal to me much. Perhaps after I cross hundreds more things off my list I will recognise the value of having children, then having sated many of my desires. But perhaps not. So here is the thing: if I don't, I will sort of be compelled to have children anyway. Why? Well, imagine all your friends having children at some point. Then who are you going to do fun shit with? If you have a partner who doesn't want to have any children either, you can do stuff with him/her, but that will get boring. You will need to do all kinds of cool and fun things with various people (friends) to continue to entertain yourself and enjoy your life, right? Well, either that or have children anyway, so you are certain all your time will get sucked up by the suckers and you won't have much time to do anything but work and take care of your kids anyway. Basically, in my view, you give up most of your own life and transfer your hopes and dreams to the new generation. But if you have never had the time or opportunity to chase your own dreams (when having children young - and I consider 25 to be young), it is like you don't live for yourself but for your children, only becoming 'free' again when they move out some 20 years hence. But then you are too old to do much of the stuff on your list. Or you might die of cancer before you get another chance to do the things you want for yourself. I say: live first, chase your dreams, be free to live the way you want to, without too many attachments, and when you have developed yourself, done the (attainable) things you want to, only then consider having children, and 'passing the torch' to the next generation. You will have a story or two for them, as well as wisdom to pass on and the financial security to ensure their well-being (without spoiling them, mind).

And it's not as if there aren't enough people in the world already. How is a person ever going to have a moment of peace in 2300 AD with a projected 9 billion people consuming the planet and filling every nook and cranny that is not Antarctica? Humans are parasites, and they just keep on reproducing. Just listen to Dr House (0:57-1:12):

House: "You have a parasite."
Patient: "Like a tapeworm or something? ...Can you do anything about it?"
H: "Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states."
P: "Illegal?!"
H: "But don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. Name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites."
P: "Playdates?"
H: "It has your eyes."

Malicious thoughts

It's a good thing that there are things called prudence and restraint, for if I spoke my mind all the time, everyone would hate me. 

Bureaucracy V

God damn physiotherapists! This dick physiotherapist I had "treated" me twice before he decided to tell me my health insurer would not pay for it (otherwise I wouldn't even have visited him in the first place). The first time I saw him he took his damn time taking notes about my injury and jotted down my address and such, with me wondering when the hell we would actually do something, followed by giving me some crap exercises I have never been able to do because it entailed me stretching my leg, which I couldn't with my knee injury, even after my operation. He now charged 50 euros for this crap. And the second time he insisted he come to me, just after my knee operation, while I could already drive (= easy). Even though I knew this would 'cost' me more, I was under the impression my health insurance would cover it anyway so I told him alright, he could come. He then arrived much later than agreed upon, but didn't call and I couldn't reach him. Fucked up my afternoon. He was then supposed to treat me for 30 minutes, but he stayed for maybe 18 and repeated himself a half dozen times during that period to fill the time because he's a moron and couldn't think of anything else to do. He taught me one exercise that was useful. Cost: 70 fucking euros. For arriving late without notifying me and staying for a measly 18 minutes, giving me one useful exercise. This is so god damn outrageous I want to maim and kill. The fact that people can charge such ridiculous sums of money for doing practically nothing and without informing them they have to pay for it themselves, and getting away with it, pisses me off so much I mean to either drive my car into his practice, or become a physiotherapist myself and charge people even more for doing even less (like showing off a neat trick I learned involving my ass and tiny little balls and slapping them in the face). Or the third option, of course: being a faggot and complaining about it on the Internet because I can't do anything about it anyway and feel like crap because my wallet is being stolen by someone pretending to give me a nice massage.

Why I would never want to win the lottery

Although the thought will be appealing to most, and many will fantasise about winning the jackpot, I would never want to win the lottery. Money is convenient, but it is not important. At least, having more money than necessary to live in relative comfort isn't (yes, an HD TV is a luxury). Winning the jackpot would change so much about your life, whether you would want it to or not, that these drastic changes could make you very unhappy. They might not, depending on the things you value (basically, the more you value material things, the happier coming into a lot of money will make you, obviously), but I know I would hate it.

To clarify: I am talking about winning a lot of money, like €30 million or something. Winning some money, like €10,000, won't change anything worth mentioning about your life. You will have fewer financial worries, at least for a while, as you won't have to pay as much attention to what you buy as before, fearing to get in the red. This is convenient, and no one will really notice. (They will when you buy a Playstation 3 and they want to play on it.) Winning the jackpot, however, will change everything. For one, I know I would start working less, even after intending not to. But there will come times when I won't feel so good, and on that day I may not do any work, or do less, and do something fun instead. And this will not be a one-time event. Also I would probably make less of an effort to get assignments and all that. Most of this won't happen on a conscious level, but simply knowing in the back of your head that you have nothing to worry about financially would change things, whether you like it or not.

Consequently, for me, working less would result in me having less respect for myself. Buying things without having earned them would also make me respect myself less, and not enjoy the things I have bought. It would take away all the satisfaction of buying something knowing that my hard work has made it possible. Standing on top of a mountain in Norway because my hard work earned me this privilege makes me feel invincible, but travelling the world because I just happened to fill in the right numbers on a piece of paper would feel empty and pointless.

In addition to diminished respect for yourself and decreased satisfaction from otherwise 'great' activities or purchases, relationships with friends and family would deteriorate. It would make you see which people are your true friends and which people seek to profit when they smell money. Suddenly, people you hardly ever talk to would call you to ask you what's up, and finish with a request for some money, because they happen to be in a pickle. What a surprise...

Some people will claim that coming to know your true friends in this manner is a good thing, but I feel it is not. There are many people you can have lots of fun with, even though they may not be there for you when you're really in a lot of trouble. This is irrelevant for the relationship you have with them; after all, how many people can you expect to really be there for you when you're in a bad spot? Not more than a handful, like a few close relatives and one or two really good friends. But that doesn't mean that all the other people you know are total assholes you should not have any contact with. You could have fantastic, memorable nights with them. Nights that make you feel alive and enjoy life. Nights you will not ever forget. But never should you expect all of these people to have your back no matter what, and neither should you cast them out because of it. But it would happen if you were suddenly rich (even though I might take a while), effectively destroying those friendships.

The little changes would come first. People would expect you to pay for all the beer because they are poor students and you have money anyway. You could not really refuse, because if you did, they would think you selfish. And if you started doing these things, you would be the one paying for everything before you knew it. Which is no basis for any friendship. And things would get progressively worse. Friends would resent your ability to go on trips not one of them could pay for. And besides, whom would you go on trips with? If you wanted to go with one of them, you would have to pay for it because they couldn't, and depending on their character they would either feel guilty or exploit you. Or would you suddenly make rich friends and attend parties Paris Hilton would not shy away of? (If you would, please never contact me again.)

No, I would never want to win the lottery. Getting things for free doesn't build character, doesn't build your self-respect, and can make you a lazy, arrogant fool. I will be so much richer earning money through hard work and saving it to do the things I really enjoy. People will (hopefully) respect me for working hard like the rest of them, and I will respect myself. And if you're somehow convinced that coming into millions of euros is not a bad thing at all, ask yourself: how many euros is (self-)respect worth to you?

Impractical studies

It is beyond my comprehension why modern education is so radically different from actual practice. You are not prepared whatsoever for the things you will actually need to do nor the way you need to do them after you start working. You may not recognise this if you're a student but not yet professionally active in your field of study.

I personally have the misfortune I was searching for the right profession for too long; now that I finally found it, I still have almost 2 years of studying ahead of me while already having worked in the field of translation for 2.5 years. For a while now I have realised that this education does not prepare me for actual practice at all. Moreover it is such a lousy course that I often wonder if this nonsense will teach me anything. The type of texts I need to translate I haven't encountered even once in 2.5 years of translation work, and you are not taught to use any of the (online) tools required to make adequate translations. It is like teaching a mechanic to fix a car with his bare hands: utterly blind and ridiculous.

Consequently, summoning the motivation to do my 'homework' seems nearly impossible. With every word I translate I think "What good is this? What does this teach me? Nothing!" But I need to finish these studies nevertheless. The going is hard, however... And to think I haven't even mentioned how ridiculously expensive it is (*ahem* 180 euros even to just take an exam! *cough*). So what is actually happening is that I am investing money in nothing.

And to think there are hundreds of other schools 'accomplishing' the same thing... I feel sorry for the hundreds of thousands of duped students who have no other choice than to perform the tons of impractical educational tasks imposed upon them...

Too little time!

There are way too few hours in a day. Days fly by before you know it, and sometimes I think it's impossible to get anything done. There are more things a day I cannot do for lack of time than things I actually accomplish. I think there should be like 30 hours in a day for days to be actually worthwhile... but only because fatigue would totally overwhelm you if days lasted for 40 hours, otherwise that number would have my vote!

Doctors

Why is it that doctors (including physiotherapists and such) think that they can leech people's time? Yes, health is important, and we need these people, but they seem to think it's normal to let people wait for stretches of time without even apologising or informing them of the delay. (And people accept this!) Yesterday I had to wait for an HOUR, and including travel time it cost me 2.5 hours of my day... all this for 8 minutes in a room with such an arrogant bastard! (A few weeks ago I had to wait for a doctor's assistant for 45 minutes to receive some instructions and discuss some kind of lousy question form for 5 minutes!) Doctors and probably rich and powerful people seem to be the only ones who think it's normal not to keep appointments and to let people wait without offering any kind of excuse or apology whatsoever.

When I have a deadline to meet and I'm afraid I'm not going to make it, I inform my client and ask his permission to finish it a little bit later. If I didn't, and I just handed it in a day late without informing him of this beforehand, he will get mad, and rightly so. This is called responsibility and communication. Apparently, doctors have no notion of these concepts, or choose to ignore them.

I sometimes think I should just always be half an hour late when visiting doctors, because they will keep me waiting anyway. But you'll always see that you will be called right on time on that day...

What's most important

Recently I injured my knee so badly I needed surgury. On some days I was just in terrible pain and on others I was also dependent on people to help me, to bring me food and all that. I couldn't walk, couldn't even get a cup of tea, couldn't do much of anything. It reminded me how important health really is.

I then made a mental list of the three things most important to me. Health is first. Without health, you have nothing. Suppose you are successful, but you get paralysed from the waist down. What is it you have left? You can't work, so your success is void. Actually, you can't do much of anything. You are dependent of others to help you, and you need to find a new job you can do. Half of your body is alive, but you are less than half alive. You can continue living, but never again can you live to the full. An adjusted lifestyle is only a inadequate solution born out of need. Bottom line: no matter what you have, most of it doesn't count once your health fails you.

Second: experience. No one can take your experiences from you as long as you live and your mind works. even when your health fails you. You can get robbed of your possessions, people you care about can leave you, but no one can take away your experiences. This makes them the most important possessions you have. One could argue that love is more important, that it gives meaning to life, but if you have experienced love, it is included here. As is friendship, and just about every other thing you have every done or every person you have ever met. Every experience counts, be it a good one or a bad one. Remembering good ones makes you smile and realise you have done things that were great fun, or very meaningful. Remembering bad ones make you a less naïve and more realistic person, and it helps you make the best possible decisions. They will shield you from harm, and prevent you from making the same mistakes once again. Gaining experiences is what you do every day, and the thing that makes you a richer person every day. Bottom line: experiences are the fabric of life, and worth pursuing. You could say that sitting at home every day after work makes you 'poor' if having a wealth of experiences makes you 'rich'. Go out and do things, meet people, and feel alive. You only live once. (And yes, reincarnation is bullshit. Don't wait for it.)

Third: knowledge. You could say this is similar to experience. And it is true that knowledge is accumulated through experience, but it is something different nonetheless. Knowledge is the thing that has propelled us from living in caves to having iPhones. It used to be great when you had food. Now you take it for granted when you have an iPhone. You used to know only the people from your own tribe. Now you communicate with people from all around the world in seconds and you think it's normal. Knowledge is the thing that is accumulated with the generations and the thing that has elevated us above our ancestors. The possibilities in this world of communication seem endless, and technological progress was never so rapid. In a few decades, we could be flying to the stars and colonise the universe. Of course, it could also spell our doom as we destroy our own planet before we can colonize the universe, but hey, we're a bunch of self-destructing creatures, so you couldn't really expect otherwise. Still, even on a personal level knowledge is the third most important thing in my opinion. The more you know, the better decisions you can make. The better you will be at your work. The better you can lead people. The greater the works you can create. It is truly a shame that this knowledge, this wisdom, is lost when a person dies. We ought to think of something that allows us to download our 'knowledge databases'. Until this has been invented, you'd better just write down everything you know that is so invaluable it shouldn't be lost when you die. But doesn't merely writing down your knowledge seem old-fashioned by now?

If your top threes differ, please comment below. I would love to hear other ideas on what you consider to be the most important things in the world. And if you have something better to do than think about that, don't worry about it. It's not the most important thing in the world.