How well can you ever truly know a person? 'Knowing someone' is merely observing someone's behaviour for an extended period of time and expecting future behaviour to be similar. And the longer we have observed someone's behaviour, the better we think we know them - the better we think we do.
But people are unpredictable, even when they don't seem to be. Suddenly they can find themselves in a situation that warrants an action not previously observed by their fellow humans. Or in a situation that doesn't warrant one, but in which they will take unpredictable action anyway. Also, people make mistakes, occasionally resulting in unpredictable behaviour.
And people can also suddenly take decisions shockingly unexpected to those around them.
Knowing people is an illusion. I could suddenly decide to kiss a man passionately and everyone who knows me will claim they had never expected it, and that they must not know me as well as they thought they did. And what to think about those people who suddenly murder innocent people and then shoot themselves? Often the people in their immediate environment will claim never to have seen it coming.
My point is, people are capable of anything. And although they do not constantly do 'strange' things, unexpected things - rather, normally they act in a stable, fairly predictable manner - they can, completely out of the blue, take unpredictable actions. Sometimes they may even take themselves by surprise.
Something that is based on expected behaviour is trust. If you say you trust a friend, you mean that you, on the basis of your friend's earlier behaviour, expect him (or her) to be there for you when you need it. But there is never a guarantee, as people are whimsical, and ultimately selfish. This makes them much more unpredictable than is commonly assumed. And this causes these shockingly unexpected, sometimes treacherous actions.
Although I hope there are limits, and there still exists something called loyalty, there are hardly any people you can ever trust completely. If someone finds himself in a tight spot, or in any situation he finds it hard to deal with, he may suddenly take to his heels, and 'save' himself, even if that means leaving a friend in need to his own devices.
Unfortunately I have experienced this time and again. Each time it was completely unexpected, and each betrayal left me hurt, and left deep scars.
So, if you can't ever really know someone, not even your partner, how can you really trust them? They could suddenly turn their back on you at the most inopportune moments...
In my view, expecting them not to do so is naïve. Accepting they will at some time probably leave you hanging would be realistic - but realism is not very much fun. As Robert Heinlein said, "A pessimist is right more often than an optimist, but an optimist has much more fun." Too bad I'm a pessimist and a realist...
Showing posts with label realism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label realism. Show all posts
Saturday, 3 September 2011
Thursday, 4 November 2010
What's most important
Recently I injured my knee so badly I needed surgury. On some days I was just in terrible pain and on others I was also dependent on people to help me, to bring me food and all that. I couldn't walk, couldn't even get a cup of tea, couldn't do much of anything. It reminded me how important health really is.
I then made a mental list of the three things most important to me. Health is first. Without health, you have nothing. Suppose you are successful, but you get paralysed from the waist down. What is it you have left? You can't work, so your success is void. Actually, you can't do much of anything. You are dependent of others to help you, and you need to find a new job you can do. Half of your body is alive, but you are less than half alive. You can continue living, but never again can you live to the full. An adjusted lifestyle is only a inadequate solution born out of need. Bottom line: no matter what you have, most of it doesn't count once your health fails you.
Second: experience. No one can take your experiences from you as long as you live and your mind works. even when your health fails you. You can get robbed of your possessions, people you care about can leave you, but no one can take away your experiences. This makes them the most important possessions you have. One could argue that love is more important, that it gives meaning to life, but if you have experienced love, it is included here. As is friendship, and just about every other thing you have every done or every person you have ever met. Every experience counts, be it a good one or a bad one. Remembering good ones makes you smile and realise you have done things that were great fun, or very meaningful. Remembering bad ones make you a less naïve and more realistic person, and it helps you make the best possible decisions. They will shield you from harm, and prevent you from making the same mistakes once again. Gaining experiences is what you do every day, and the thing that makes you a richer person every day. Bottom line: experiences are the fabric of life, and worth pursuing. You could say that sitting at home every day after work makes you 'poor' if having a wealth of experiences makes you 'rich'. Go out and do things, meet people, and feel alive. You only live once. (And yes, reincarnation is bullshit. Don't wait for it.)
Third: knowledge. You could say this is similar to experience. And it is true that knowledge is accumulated through experience, but it is something different nonetheless. Knowledge is the thing that has propelled us from living in caves to having iPhones. It used to be great when you had food. Now you take it for granted when you have an iPhone. You used to know only the people from your own tribe. Now you communicate with people from all around the world in seconds and you think it's normal. Knowledge is the thing that is accumulated with the generations and the thing that has elevated us above our ancestors. The possibilities in this world of communication seem endless, and technological progress was never so rapid. In a few decades, we could be flying to the stars and colonise the universe. Of course, it could also spell our doom as we destroy our own planet before we can colonize the universe, but hey, we're a bunch of self-destructing creatures, so you couldn't really expect otherwise. Still, even on a personal level knowledge is the third most important thing in my opinion. The more you know, the better decisions you can make. The better you will be at your work. The better you can lead people. The greater the works you can create. It is truly a shame that this knowledge, this wisdom, is lost when a person dies. We ought to think of something that allows us to download our 'knowledge databases'. Until this has been invented, you'd better just write down everything you know that is so invaluable it shouldn't be lost when you die. But doesn't merely writing down your knowledge seem old-fashioned by now?
If your top threes differ, please comment below. I would love to hear other ideas on what you consider to be the most important things in the world. And if you have something better to do than think about that, don't worry about it. It's not the most important thing in the world.
I then made a mental list of the three things most important to me. Health is first. Without health, you have nothing. Suppose you are successful, but you get paralysed from the waist down. What is it you have left? You can't work, so your success is void. Actually, you can't do much of anything. You are dependent of others to help you, and you need to find a new job you can do. Half of your body is alive, but you are less than half alive. You can continue living, but never again can you live to the full. An adjusted lifestyle is only a inadequate solution born out of need. Bottom line: no matter what you have, most of it doesn't count once your health fails you.
Second: experience. No one can take your experiences from you as long as you live and your mind works. even when your health fails you. You can get robbed of your possessions, people you care about can leave you, but no one can take away your experiences. This makes them the most important possessions you have. One could argue that love is more important, that it gives meaning to life, but if you have experienced love, it is included here. As is friendship, and just about every other thing you have every done or every person you have ever met. Every experience counts, be it a good one or a bad one. Remembering good ones makes you smile and realise you have done things that were great fun, or very meaningful. Remembering bad ones make you a less naïve and more realistic person, and it helps you make the best possible decisions. They will shield you from harm, and prevent you from making the same mistakes once again. Gaining experiences is what you do every day, and the thing that makes you a richer person every day. Bottom line: experiences are the fabric of life, and worth pursuing. You could say that sitting at home every day after work makes you 'poor' if having a wealth of experiences makes you 'rich'. Go out and do things, meet people, and feel alive. You only live once. (And yes, reincarnation is bullshit. Don't wait for it.)
Third: knowledge. You could say this is similar to experience. And it is true that knowledge is accumulated through experience, but it is something different nonetheless. Knowledge is the thing that has propelled us from living in caves to having iPhones. It used to be great when you had food. Now you take it for granted when you have an iPhone. You used to know only the people from your own tribe. Now you communicate with people from all around the world in seconds and you think it's normal. Knowledge is the thing that is accumulated with the generations and the thing that has elevated us above our ancestors. The possibilities in this world of communication seem endless, and technological progress was never so rapid. In a few decades, we could be flying to the stars and colonise the universe. Of course, it could also spell our doom as we destroy our own planet before we can colonize the universe, but hey, we're a bunch of self-destructing creatures, so you couldn't really expect otherwise. Still, even on a personal level knowledge is the third most important thing in my opinion. The more you know, the better decisions you can make. The better you will be at your work. The better you can lead people. The greater the works you can create. It is truly a shame that this knowledge, this wisdom, is lost when a person dies. We ought to think of something that allows us to download our 'knowledge databases'. Until this has been invented, you'd better just write down everything you know that is so invaluable it shouldn't be lost when you die. But doesn't merely writing down your knowledge seem old-fashioned by now?
If your top threes differ, please comment below. I would love to hear other ideas on what you consider to be the most important things in the world. And if you have something better to do than think about that, don't worry about it. It's not the most important thing in the world.
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