Recently I injured my knee so badly I needed surgury. On some days I was just in terrible pain and on others I was also dependent on people to help me, to bring me food and all that. I couldn't walk, couldn't even get a cup of tea, couldn't do much of anything. It reminded me how important health really is.
I then made a mental list of the three things most important to me. Health is first. Without health, you have nothing. Suppose you are successful, but you get paralysed from the waist down. What is it you have left? You can't work, so your success is void. Actually, you can't do much of anything. You are dependent of others to help you, and you need to find a new job you can do. Half of your body is alive, but you are less than half alive. You can continue living, but never again can you live to the full. An adjusted lifestyle is only a inadequate solution born out of need. Bottom line: no matter what you have, most of it doesn't count once your health fails you.
Second: experience. No one can take your experiences from you as long as you live and your mind works. even when your health fails you. You can get robbed of your possessions, people you care about can leave you, but no one can take away your experiences. This makes them the most important possessions you have. One could argue that love is more important, that it gives meaning to life, but if you have experienced love, it is included here. As is friendship, and just about every other thing you have every done or every person you have ever met. Every experience counts, be it a good one or a bad one. Remembering good ones makes you smile and realise you have done things that were great fun, or very meaningful. Remembering bad ones make you a less naïve and more realistic person, and it helps you make the best possible decisions. They will shield you from harm, and prevent you from making the same mistakes once again. Gaining experiences is what you do every day, and the thing that makes you a richer person every day. Bottom line: experiences are the fabric of life, and worth pursuing. You could say that sitting at home every day after work makes you 'poor' if having a wealth of experiences makes you 'rich'. Go out and do things, meet people, and feel alive. You only live once. (And yes, reincarnation is bullshit. Don't wait for it.)
Third: knowledge. You could say this is similar to experience. And it is true that knowledge is accumulated through experience, but it is something different nonetheless. Knowledge is the thing that has propelled us from living in caves to having iPhones. It used to be great when you had food. Now you take it for granted when you have an iPhone. You used to know only the people from your own tribe. Now you communicate with people from all around the world in seconds and you think it's normal. Knowledge is the thing that is accumulated with the generations and the thing that has elevated us above our ancestors. The possibilities in this world of communication seem endless, and technological progress was never so rapid. In a few decades, we could be flying to the stars and colonise the universe. Of course, it could also spell our doom as we destroy our own planet before we can colonize the universe, but hey, we're a bunch of self-destructing creatures, so you couldn't really expect otherwise. Still, even on a personal level knowledge is the third most important thing in my opinion. The more you know, the better decisions you can make. The better you will be at your work. The better you can lead people. The greater the works you can create. It is truly a shame that this knowledge, this wisdom, is lost when a person dies. We ought to think of something that allows us to download our 'knowledge databases'. Until this has been invented, you'd better just write down everything you know that is so invaluable it shouldn't be lost when you die. But doesn't merely writing down your knowledge seem old-fashioned by now?
If your top threes differ, please comment below. I would love to hear other ideas on what you consider to be the most important things in the world. And if you have something better to do than think about that, don't worry about it. It's not the most important thing in the world.
Showing posts with label experiences. Show all posts
Showing posts with label experiences. Show all posts
Thursday, 4 November 2010
Wednesday, 20 October 2010
Memories and regret
In his brilliant novel Sphere, Michael Crichton said: "In a sense, all we consist of is memories. Our personalities are constructed from memories, our lives are organised around memories, and our cultures are built upon the foundation of shared memories that we call history and science."
It goes without saying that we consist of a little bit more than memories, but memories do determine who we are. In fact, everything we go through changes us. You could say that our personalities are sculpted by our experiences, our memories. And, invariably, we will regard some of these memories as bad, or even terrible. Consequently, many of us have regrets. Some people have a lot, and others claim to have none whatsoever. I used to have many, even though I already realised at the time that everything I had done has made me into the person I am today. But I just considered certain things in my past to have been such a waste of time! I asked myself: WHY didn't I realise then that this or that was a waste of time, and WHY didn't I do such and such differently?! The simple answer is: if I hadn't done those things, I would never have realised that I wanted to do those things differently, so I couldn't really have done them differently; I did what I thought was best at the time. So what I should do now is use these insights not to regret past decisions but to make better decisions now. And so I try. But sometimes this is difficult.
Reading Sphere and watching LOST made me wonder about something: would you forget certain things if you could? ...Would you really? It can be an attractive idea for something you consider to be terrible to never have happened. I sometimes think that I would want to forget certain things... things that just continue to occupy my thoughts. Like feeling betrayed by someone. But suppose I forgot this betrayal, I would proceed to make the same 'mistake' again or, rather, I would judge situations similarly as before, and perhaps trust people too easily, or be unprepared for their inevitable betrayal. In fact - sticking with this example - I now expect to be 'betrayed' by most people I meet, in a broad sense. Anticipating this I am attempting to shield myself from the sadness and anger I know I will feel after such a betrayal - anticipating the selfishness and cruelty most people are capable of. I also remind myself not to get too invested in people. If I "can't do without" someone, I am vulnerable, and that person can hurt me a lot. Keeping something of a distance protects me a little bit at least.
Writing this, I feel I sound bitter, but I guess that's preferable to being naïve. Without question, naïve people get hurt in this world - this world full of people who form all kinds of social groups but who choose themselves over others in the end, with the exception of a select few benefactors (you know, like Mother Theresa and stuff :)).
Carl Jung said that there is a shadow side to everyone, a side few people explore, but one that is there nonetheless. I tend to agree. Speaking of myself, no saint, I know I would be capable of terrible things if confronted with a certain situation. For instance, if World War III broke out and we would be faced with a struggle for survival in a lawless wasteland, I would most probably kill when threatened, something inconceivable in our ordered society as it is now. LOST comes to mind again (spoiler season 6!): Ben growing up to be a harmless, geeky history teacher instead of a ruthless manipulator and killer if certain events in the past had been different. (spoiler end) Suppose you had two "timelines" in which you lived your life, two different lives with a major difference occurring in your childhood, I think you could be very different people in the two 'realities', i.e. that you could grow up to be e.g. harmless or ruthless, as circumstances dictate. A more realistic (but horrible) example than the bizarre story in LOST would be: being the sole survivor of a car accident, your parents and siblings dying in front of you. I cannot imagine you growing up to be the same person as when your family had decided to stay at home that day.
What I'm trying to say is that your experiences - which later become memories - definitely have a major impact on who you are. Even when you believe that you have a soul that 'carries' in it the core of your being (I could write another blog entry about this..), your memories largely make you the person you are today. Thus I have realised that regretting things in my past, detesting certain memories, is an utter waste of time and energy. It is still difficult sometimes to see even (no, especially!) negative experiences as things that have made me stronger, wiser, but I continue to remind myself that the present is what matters, and the decisions I make now are borne from the lessons these memories have taught me.
And to enjoy and relish every day ahead of me.
It goes without saying that we consist of a little bit more than memories, but memories do determine who we are. In fact, everything we go through changes us. You could say that our personalities are sculpted by our experiences, our memories. And, invariably, we will regard some of these memories as bad, or even terrible. Consequently, many of us have regrets. Some people have a lot, and others claim to have none whatsoever. I used to have many, even though I already realised at the time that everything I had done has made me into the person I am today. But I just considered certain things in my past to have been such a waste of time! I asked myself: WHY didn't I realise then that this or that was a waste of time, and WHY didn't I do such and such differently?! The simple answer is: if I hadn't done those things, I would never have realised that I wanted to do those things differently, so I couldn't really have done them differently; I did what I thought was best at the time. So what I should do now is use these insights not to regret past decisions but to make better decisions now. And so I try. But sometimes this is difficult.
Reading Sphere and watching LOST made me wonder about something: would you forget certain things if you could? ...Would you really? It can be an attractive idea for something you consider to be terrible to never have happened. I sometimes think that I would want to forget certain things... things that just continue to occupy my thoughts. Like feeling betrayed by someone. But suppose I forgot this betrayal, I would proceed to make the same 'mistake' again or, rather, I would judge situations similarly as before, and perhaps trust people too easily, or be unprepared for their inevitable betrayal. In fact - sticking with this example - I now expect to be 'betrayed' by most people I meet, in a broad sense. Anticipating this I am attempting to shield myself from the sadness and anger I know I will feel after such a betrayal - anticipating the selfishness and cruelty most people are capable of. I also remind myself not to get too invested in people. If I "can't do without" someone, I am vulnerable, and that person can hurt me a lot. Keeping something of a distance protects me a little bit at least.
Writing this, I feel I sound bitter, but I guess that's preferable to being naïve. Without question, naïve people get hurt in this world - this world full of people who form all kinds of social groups but who choose themselves over others in the end, with the exception of a select few benefactors (you know, like Mother Theresa and stuff :)).
Carl Jung said that there is a shadow side to everyone, a side few people explore, but one that is there nonetheless. I tend to agree. Speaking of myself, no saint, I know I would be capable of terrible things if confronted with a certain situation. For instance, if World War III broke out and we would be faced with a struggle for survival in a lawless wasteland, I would most probably kill when threatened, something inconceivable in our ordered society as it is now. LOST comes to mind again (spoiler season 6!): Ben growing up to be a harmless, geeky history teacher instead of a ruthless manipulator and killer if certain events in the past had been different. (spoiler end) Suppose you had two "timelines" in which you lived your life, two different lives with a major difference occurring in your childhood, I think you could be very different people in the two 'realities', i.e. that you could grow up to be e.g. harmless or ruthless, as circumstances dictate. A more realistic (but horrible) example than the bizarre story in LOST would be: being the sole survivor of a car accident, your parents and siblings dying in front of you. I cannot imagine you growing up to be the same person as when your family had decided to stay at home that day.
What I'm trying to say is that your experiences - which later become memories - definitely have a major impact on who you are. Even when you believe that you have a soul that 'carries' in it the core of your being (I could write another blog entry about this..), your memories largely make you the person you are today. Thus I have realised that regretting things in my past, detesting certain memories, is an utter waste of time and energy. It is still difficult sometimes to see even (no, especially!) negative experiences as things that have made me stronger, wiser, but I continue to remind myself that the present is what matters, and the decisions I make now are borne from the lessons these memories have taught me.
And to enjoy and relish every day ahead of me.
Monday, 23 August 2010
Materialism
It stuns me how many people hoard all kinds of stuff. I understand buying a few luxury items you really love, but the sheer quantities of "useless" things people buy astonish me. It is like they have too much money on their hands, and they are just eager to put it to use to find some kind of quick satisfaction. Or is it that they think they will feel rich, or feel happy, by having lots of random stuff?
Take coming back from holiday with bags full of souvenirs with hardly any practical applications (and all of them being relatively expensive, as tourists inevitably get ripped off), for instance. This seems the rule rather than the exception (in Western countries at least). People buy them to... do what? Remind themselves they have been there? To show others they have been there? Even though buying one or two souvenirs should be fine, isn't it better to just really enjoy yourself there and fix all the fun things you have done and the beautiful things you have seen into your mind to later revel in the wonderful memories they have produced?
No doubt some people (especially girls ;)) will not agree with what I'm about to say here, but I don't get (extensive) shopping as a goal in itself. Wanting or needing something and setting out to buy it, with that specific goal in mind, seems perfectly logical to me. I can even understand wanting to spoil yourself sometime when you feel down and going shopping for just a little while to buy something you like, or ordering something online and feeling like you're being spoiled when it is delivered and you rip off the packaging like an eager child at his birthday. But just shopping all day long looking to just spend, being eager to spend even, as a hobby, just to buy things, not with any other goal in mind other than to find all sorts of things that catch the eye (mostly clothes where girls are concerned ;)), and to eagerly grab them and haul them home as trophies, only to use them once or twice, or even every once in a while if it was actually a good purchase (yay!)? (Note that only the most disciplined of shoppers ever return home empty handed, by the way ;). They just need to buy something.) Or to have some kind of mental list (or even worse, a real one ;)) of all the things you still want to have in your house to "make it complete", and spending years to work towards this perceived perfection, as if achieving this, and thereby making the house "perfect", would make you happy. What if it burns down? Or if you somehow go bankrupt and lose everything? Or even just imagine yourself without all your material wealth, naked and vulnerable, owning nothing but your skills and memories (your treasures!). What then, are all these things you have accumulated worth?
I must grudgingly admit I have participated in this kind of behaviour (to a certain degree, as I have ever hated shopping all day long!). First when I was young and was cared for anyway, so I could just spend all the money I had on things I fancied. And later when money was abundant, me and my ex-girlfriend paying relatively little rent and having a double income to spend. I fancied DVDs so I bought at least one just about every week, starting a collection which grew and grew. As did my book collection. I thought: these are practical items, since I use them and enjoy them, and not just objects to look at (which I personally find quite a waste of money, since I don't care much for aesthetics). But I was wrong. I did use them (as a girl will wear a certain shirt once and then forget she has it) but I still haven't read most of those books (I cannot read that fast!) and even though I have watched nearly every one of those DVDs, they were also objects "to look at": I had a wall full of DVDs and books, and when I looked over to it, I was pleased to know I had all of that, and when I had visitors, they could also see I had all of that.
Great.
Did I need all this stuff? Of course not. Did it make me happy? Of course not. (Obviously I thought differently at the time.) Would I have bought all of this if I hadn't had excess money to spend? Of course not. I would probably have bought a couple of movies I really loved, and a few of my favourite books. I could have just rented DVDs on occasion, and gotten most of my books at the library, and it would be all right. Buying all of that was pure luxury, and simply unnecessary. I know this now.
I realised this when money started to get more difficult to come by, and I had to make an effort just to be able to pay my bills. I started saving on all kinds of things, mainly on luxurious items I didn't really need. I even started drinking cheap beer ;) (whereas before I was a whiner and would only drink a selection of fine (and more expensive) beers, and I found that I enjoyed these cheap beers, that they weren't as bad as I always believed. I even found that when I had a more expensive beer sometime, I would enjoy it more than I did before, since it used to be "normal" to drink expensive beer, and now it was "special", and thus more enjoyable.
In fact, it doesn't really matter how much money you have, as you will spend the bulk of it regardless of how much you have (except when you're an obsessive and very disciplined saver). When you're all but broke (or living in a Third World country for that matter..), you will (obviously) spend it on the necessities, just to survive. If you have some more money, you will spend some on luxuries, as simple survival isn't all that much fun. If you have even more money, you will buy even more luxuries - things you really don't need - and this process continues practically until you're Bill Gates and cannot think of anything else to buy. Why else would a happy poor man become millionare suddenly feel the urge to buy a fast car and a big house? He used to be happy when he had food and a roof over his head, and suddenly only the best food is good enough, and he "needs" a villa with a swimming pool.
At any given time, people have their eye on something they want to buy as soon as they have the money, regardless of how rich or poor they are, but how you spend this money is what makes the difference. Will you buy loads of random things that catch your fancy and stash your house full of them, or will you spend most of your surplus funds on trips and such to experience as many different things as you can, see as many places as you can to enrich your mind and experience the world as completely as your income allows? Me, I have recognised that most of the things I used to buy didn't actually do anything to make me happy. I now buy only the luxury items I really, really want (and how much more you will appreciate them when you don't have tons!) and spend the money I have left on doing things I enjoy, seeing as many places as I can, experiencing as many things as possible, and preferably sharing these experiences with the people I like and respect the most, as these experiences are all the more valuable when shared with a dear friend, partner or family member.
And in the end, when you are old and shrivelled and looking back on your life, you will know that you have lived your life to the full.
Take coming back from holiday with bags full of souvenirs with hardly any practical applications (and all of them being relatively expensive, as tourists inevitably get ripped off), for instance. This seems the rule rather than the exception (in Western countries at least). People buy them to... do what? Remind themselves they have been there? To show others they have been there? Even though buying one or two souvenirs should be fine, isn't it better to just really enjoy yourself there and fix all the fun things you have done and the beautiful things you have seen into your mind to later revel in the wonderful memories they have produced?
No doubt some people (especially girls ;)) will not agree with what I'm about to say here, but I don't get (extensive) shopping as a goal in itself. Wanting or needing something and setting out to buy it, with that specific goal in mind, seems perfectly logical to me. I can even understand wanting to spoil yourself sometime when you feel down and going shopping for just a little while to buy something you like, or ordering something online and feeling like you're being spoiled when it is delivered and you rip off the packaging like an eager child at his birthday. But just shopping all day long looking to just spend, being eager to spend even, as a hobby, just to buy things, not with any other goal in mind other than to find all sorts of things that catch the eye (mostly clothes where girls are concerned ;)), and to eagerly grab them and haul them home as trophies, only to use them once or twice, or even every once in a while if it was actually a good purchase (yay!)? (Note that only the most disciplined of shoppers ever return home empty handed, by the way ;). They just need to buy something.) Or to have some kind of mental list (or even worse, a real one ;)) of all the things you still want to have in your house to "make it complete", and spending years to work towards this perceived perfection, as if achieving this, and thereby making the house "perfect", would make you happy. What if it burns down? Or if you somehow go bankrupt and lose everything? Or even just imagine yourself without all your material wealth, naked and vulnerable, owning nothing but your skills and memories (your treasures!). What then, are all these things you have accumulated worth?
I must grudgingly admit I have participated in this kind of behaviour (to a certain degree, as I have ever hated shopping all day long!). First when I was young and was cared for anyway, so I could just spend all the money I had on things I fancied. And later when money was abundant, me and my ex-girlfriend paying relatively little rent and having a double income to spend. I fancied DVDs so I bought at least one just about every week, starting a collection which grew and grew. As did my book collection. I thought: these are practical items, since I use them and enjoy them, and not just objects to look at (which I personally find quite a waste of money, since I don't care much for aesthetics). But I was wrong. I did use them (as a girl will wear a certain shirt once and then forget she has it) but I still haven't read most of those books (I cannot read that fast!) and even though I have watched nearly every one of those DVDs, they were also objects "to look at": I had a wall full of DVDs and books, and when I looked over to it, I was pleased to know I had all of that, and when I had visitors, they could also see I had all of that.
Great.
Did I need all this stuff? Of course not. Did it make me happy? Of course not. (Obviously I thought differently at the time.) Would I have bought all of this if I hadn't had excess money to spend? Of course not. I would probably have bought a couple of movies I really loved, and a few of my favourite books. I could have just rented DVDs on occasion, and gotten most of my books at the library, and it would be all right. Buying all of that was pure luxury, and simply unnecessary. I know this now.
I realised this when money started to get more difficult to come by, and I had to make an effort just to be able to pay my bills. I started saving on all kinds of things, mainly on luxurious items I didn't really need. I even started drinking cheap beer ;) (whereas before I was a whiner and would only drink a selection of fine (and more expensive) beers, and I found that I enjoyed these cheap beers, that they weren't as bad as I always believed. I even found that when I had a more expensive beer sometime, I would enjoy it more than I did before, since it used to be "normal" to drink expensive beer, and now it was "special", and thus more enjoyable.
In fact, it doesn't really matter how much money you have, as you will spend the bulk of it regardless of how much you have (except when you're an obsessive and very disciplined saver). When you're all but broke (or living in a Third World country for that matter..), you will (obviously) spend it on the necessities, just to survive. If you have some more money, you will spend some on luxuries, as simple survival isn't all that much fun. If you have even more money, you will buy even more luxuries - things you really don't need - and this process continues practically until you're Bill Gates and cannot think of anything else to buy. Why else would a happy poor man become millionare suddenly feel the urge to buy a fast car and a big house? He used to be happy when he had food and a roof over his head, and suddenly only the best food is good enough, and he "needs" a villa with a swimming pool.
At any given time, people have their eye on something they want to buy as soon as they have the money, regardless of how rich or poor they are, but how you spend this money is what makes the difference. Will you buy loads of random things that catch your fancy and stash your house full of them, or will you spend most of your surplus funds on trips and such to experience as many different things as you can, see as many places as you can to enrich your mind and experience the world as completely as your income allows? Me, I have recognised that most of the things I used to buy didn't actually do anything to make me happy. I now buy only the luxury items I really, really want (and how much more you will appreciate them when you don't have tons!) and spend the money I have left on doing things I enjoy, seeing as many places as I can, experiencing as many things as possible, and preferably sharing these experiences with the people I like and respect the most, as these experiences are all the more valuable when shared with a dear friend, partner or family member.
And in the end, when you are old and shrivelled and looking back on your life, you will know that you have lived your life to the full.
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