Friendship, and your worth to others

My ex girlfriend's parents were like a second set of parents to me. In seven years we went through a lot together, and I felt I belonged to their 'inner circle', meaning I was entrusted with family matters and problems hardly anyone knew about. Thus I really felt part of the family. When me and my ex broke up, this wasn't because I had done anything horrible or whatever - it just didn't work out between us anymore. Her parents didn't hate me or anything, and didn't have any reason to. But in the blink of an eye, I no longer was a part of their family, and they never contacted me again. I felt (and still feel, after 15 months) like they only used to be in contact with me because I just happened to be the guy their daughter brought home, not because they also liked me as a person and valued me as someone they could trust. This tells me that - if such an intimate and long relationship can be ended so quickly - your value to others is completely relative to circumstances, and is fleeting. People will discard you as a friend as soon as they feel like it, and it will be like you never had their trust. Therefore I regard all but the longest and steadiest friendships to be fleeting, and I just enjoy them while they last, without expecting too much of those people, knowing people like I do. My being discarded by my 'second parents' only confirmed what I already knew: people are a bunch of individualistic, selfish creatures whose relationships with others are almost without exception institutes of convenience.

I have thought a lot about relationships and friendships over the past year. As I am not the first to do this, and there are numerous quotes to be found from people wiser than me, I would like to comment on the concept of friendship with the help of some of these wise men:


All but the truest of friends will betray you or simply discontinue their relationship with you at some time or other. It is best to anticipate the end of current friendships by making new acquaintances as much as you can, so that new friendships can emerge from them to replace the old:

"If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life,
he will soon find himself left alone."

- Samuel Johnson

Do not trust your 'friends' too much in the first years of your friendship, as your trust will often be betrayed. When you are as certain as can be about the true bond of friendship with another, however, be there for them always, and nourish the relationship like you would nourish your child:

"Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in,
continue firm and constant."

- Socrates

Betrayal will occur. The only question is: will you be stabbed in the back or in the front? The person of value and integrity will not be a coward and confess to you why it is he betrayed you:

"A true friend stabs you in the front."

- Oscar Wilde

True and genuine friendship is one of the most precious things you will ever find in life, and is to be cherished like none other:

"Friendship without self interest is one of the
rare and beautiful things in life."

- James Francis Byrnes

Even though you know you will most likely be betrayed eventually, you need even the friendships you know won't last:

"Without trust, betrayal cannot be. But without trust,
I will have no one but me."

- Hak