The nights are so endless
Every activity that pops into my mind
Pointless
But I do them anyway
Shaking my head at the futility
Getting bored with them
Right after I start
Nothing can satisfy me
There is truly no reason to be
But what else is there to do?
Even the beer tastes foul to me
As I slam the bottle down in disgust
Then take yet another gulp
Hoping to shut off my brain
And finally stop thinking for today
And my palms against my eyes
Sighing, fretting
Wondering how much longer
Before I finally fall asleep
And thinking back to old times
Carefree times
Just playing games, naïvely
Innocently, just a sheltered kid
With a friend and a PC
Enjoying my nights
Unburdened by experience and knowledge
I think back to these times
And I know I'm just looking for an escape
From the sadness
From the eternal boredom
The realisation always preventing me
From feeling any peace at all
Even the escape of nostalgia
Inaccessible to me
It is at times like this
I wish to forget everything I ever knew
To shed the knowledge like a second skin
That skin that lets in no pleasure
And be free of its weight once more
I understand now why parents
Shield their children from reality
On some level they all understand
That naïveté, that keeper of innocence
That most precious of things
Is the only salvation
But once lost, never regained
The moment you lose it
You are doomed
Many then try to invent meaning
Where there is none
And I look at them and sneer
But I should pity them instead
Because we are all victims
Bound to wander this earth
Searching for meaning
Some finding it in religion
Some in work
Many in family
And the truly blessed are those
Not realising why they cherish these things
The ones not asking the questions
Just praying, working
Making lunch for their children
Bringing them to school and waving
Painting a smile on their faces for them
Some even believing the smile to be genuine
But their children are doomed too
The poor suckers
Born to suffer and die
Laughing in the schoolyard
Playing tag and shouting with glee
They are doomed too
They are doomed too
They just don’t know it yet
In some ways knowing reality is a burden that makes you loose some of your innocence. But without darkness, there can be no light. Knowing about the harsh reality makes you appreciate life and love more.
ReplyDeleteNot me.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you don't lost part of your innocence - either you lose it or you don't.
I feel like I have lost some of it by the things I've experienced, but I still haven't lost all of it. I can still thoroughly enjoy a Disney movie or a senseless giggle with friends, just to name a few. There still is a child inside me that marvels at all the wonders of the world. It's just surpressed most of the time by work and other responsibilities.
ReplyDeleteHmm, in my view innocence is not suppressed by responsibilities, but taken away (perhaps to a certain degree) by (negative) experiences.
ReplyDelete