Friday, 25 February 2011

Who are you?

How would you answer this question? By saying your name? Certainly you would do so if a guy wants to check if you are on the guest list to a concert. Your name serves as no more than a means of identification, and by giving it, you are identifying yourself, perhaps so the other person knows he is talking to the person he meant to talk to, or to confirm it was you who ordered a table at a restaurant. Sometimes you will even need to show people a document confirming your alleged name. To prove that you are who you say you are. But who are you?

What if you were given a different name at birth? Would that have made you a different person? Seeing as you never had anything to do with the name you were given, and the ones giving it to you could not yet know who you are, it could not have made you a different person. In fact, a name is just a label. It is convenient. Just like giving the name 'apple' to that certain type of fruit, to be able to identify it. Pointing at a fruit bowl filled with a dozen types of fruit and asking for "that round piece of fruit" would not do. And similarly, "you there, with the black hair" would not do. So a name is a tool, and does not give any information about the core of you.

Most people asking you who you are, are not interested in the core of you, in what moves you. As soon as they know your name, they are no longer interested. And why should they, if their job is to let people into a concert building, for instance? But what if someone who really likes you is genuinely interested in what makes you you, and this someone obviously already knows your name? How would you then answer this question? 


Would you describe what you look like? This description would just be about your exterior, most of which you have never had much say over. You decide what clothes to wear, how long to grow your hair and how to style it, maybe add some make-up if you're one of the 3 Gs (girl, gay or goth) and take care of your body (or not) to make sure you are presentable and don't stink. If you stuff yourself full of McDonalds every day you will probably be fat. If you're anorexic you may be like a walking skeleton. But there is no escaping that same face, the same basic contours of your body, and there is only so much you can do to change your appearance. At the most, your appearance is a reflection of who you are, designed to give people a general idea of who you are without them having to ask you any questions. And indeed, by just looking at someone you can get a decent impression of him or her, and based on this impression you may decide to go and talk to that person, or to avoid him or her. But your appearance will never be more than a reflection of your true self, so a description of your exterior would not satisfy a person interested in what makes you you.


Would you give your profession? Would it do to give your job title, like "I'm a waste management and disposal technician" (meaning you are a refuse collector)? How much information would this give about who you are? Most likely you are just doing this particular job just because you need money, not because you like to secretly dive into piles of garbage bags when no one is looking. Okay, so say you are an artist. It is very likely you are not doing that job for the money at all. This would give someone more of a peek into the core of you. But is it who you are? In other words, if you changed jobs and became a fireman instead, would that change you? To what extent is your job part of you? A person genuinely interested in you will want to know more than just what you do for a living.


Would you say what your hobbies are? These are definitely things you don't do for money, so they represent your interests, and betray some of who you are. Now we're getting somewhere. Talking about your hobbies will give people an idea if you have any interests in common with them. If someone is wondering if you could be friends, having shared interests is a must. Your audience will be getting a clearer picture of who they are dealing with if you disclose your hobbies.

Would you talk about your lifestyle? It makes quite a difference if you're a loner who works at home and reads books the rest of the day, if you visit the pub and drink with friends each day after work, if you eat a home-cooked meal every day or usually eat frozen pizzas or eat out, if you like watching TV after work every night with your partner, or if you travel a lot and do odd jobs wherever you can do earn a living while roaming the world. Intertwined with your hobbies, this gives people an even clearer picture of what kind of person you are.


Would you share your policical views? Do you consider your 'being' left or right of center (i.e. having certain political preferences) to be something that gives crucial information about who you are? I'm sure some people must feel that way, especially in countries with a lot of political tension. Its relative importance for who you are can therefore vary.

Would you state your race or nationality? This is probably more important the prouder you are of it, and in certain countries, like multicultural ones, this could be more significant than in others. But is it who you are? What if you were born in a different country?

Would you state your 'chosen'* religion? I know religious types can first state they are a Christian or a Muslim before anything else, except maybe their name. So such people will probably consider this to be a very important part of who they are. Especially since it influences someone's lifestyle so, and possibly his or her hobbies. But what if you are a Christian (in this universe) who was born in a Muslim family instead, or vice versa? (Haha, religious people probably would not even be able to imagine this, so let's not go there.)

Or would you merely say you are John's wife, Emily's husband, or the colonel's son?

There are undoubtedly even more things you could say about yourself, as human beings are frighteningly complex, and it is very difficult to put into words what defines you (if you even know what does!). Suppose you were asked who you are and you tried to explain what makes you you, what would you say?

Just thinking about this makes you a richer person. Sharing your answer to the above question in the comments would also make my day :).


*This is in fact hardly ever chosen but imposed by the parents or even the government in certain countries.

6 comments:

  1. Certainly an interesting topic, and I could go on and on about the research I've read about on this topic, but maybe's I'll just not go there. :P

    I think it's a good thing to try to define who you are, so here's my take:
    'I am Eefje, 22 years and studying Psychology. I also work as a logo-designer. I live in a dormroom in Alphen a/d Rijn. I have a boyfriend Krister, since 2004. I really love being in nature, animals, reading (fantasybooks or psychologybooks) and being creative. I like to listen to folkmetal, Scandanavian rock and all kinds of indie music. I am a wiccan and a vegetarian. My favorite county is Norway. I am introverted, driven and sometimes instable. My view on life is that we all should try to make the world a better place, one step at a time. I always try to leave things behind a little bit better than when I found them, I try to save the environment as much as possible, and I always try to think about how other people feel before I judge them.'

    That's actually pretty hard... But what I'm actually more interested in, is in how other people view me, and how that differs with my own view of myself. :D

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  2. wow a remarkably complete description of the you you are eefje, bravo. i find it kinda hard to describe who i am, but here's my go:
    i am karin, a 48 years old divorcee with 3 children that i'm amazingly proud of. i work in a hospital, trying to contribute my part to the care of other people. i like being creative, i like people and what drives them and i strive to help people make their lives a bit more pleasant. and i am also interested in how people see me. eefje for example i wouldn't describe you as introverted, but i would say you look at people and really see them instead. i wonder how you see yourself hak? hugs!

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  3. Thanks Karin, what you said about how you don't see me as introverted. But I really do feel that way, although it also depends on the situation (a concert vs. a classroom for example). But I think there's nothing wrong with being introverted, it actually has alot of benefits, and I think this society really discriminates introverted people. Just like evening-people and so on. :P

    But I'd like to hear how you see yourself too Hak. :)

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  4. What are 'evening prople'? :P

    Yeah, I will get to that when I have the time ;).

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  5. Evening people are the opposite of morning people. :) So this refers to the preference of getting up early and falling asleep early vs. getting up late and falling asleep late. This had something to do with the internal clock and all that. But this preference is something very personal, and I think society discriminates against evening people, with their demands to getting to school/work early and stuff, while evening people will be much more productive if they could just follow their internal clock and start a little later but working a little later as well. This doesn't mean they're lazy, after all they work the same amount of hours. But there's no place for that unfortunately...

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  6. Well, I am an 'evening person' and due to the fact that I'm self-employed, I *can* get up late, work late and go to bed late ;).

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